Dear wife

Dear wife, you surely realize that you are 54 years old, I have certain needs that you simply can not get high quality and fully satisfy. On every other side, our marriage is harmonious, I am satisfied with you as a woman, and I truly hope that this fax machine will not hurt or upset you too much. After work I go to a motel with my 18 year old assistant, but I will be home before midnight - your husband. "

When he arrived at the motel at the reception he waited for a fax from his wife:

"My dear husband and you are 54 years old, and at the moment when you read these lines, I will be in another motel with my 18 year old waitress from the neighboring bar, and since you are a genius mathematician, it will certainly not be difficult for you to realize that 18 in 54 goes a lot many times than 54 in 18, do not wait for me - your wife!

Funny boy

Zeni lover comes home while her husband is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home suddenly, sees them and hides in the wardrobe to keep them watching.Zen's husband also comes home. She puts the lover in the closet, not knowing that her son is already inside.
Boy: - It's dark here.The man: - Yes, it's dark.Boy: - I have a football ball.The man: - That's nice.Boy: - Do you want to buy it?The man: - No, thanks.Boy: - My dad is out there.Men: - OK, how much?Boy: - 250 EUR
After a few weeks, the man and the children met again in the closet.Boy: - It's dark here.The man: - Yes, it's dark.Boy: - I have soccer shoes.Remembering what happened last time, a manshe asked: "How much?"Boy: - 750 EURThe man sighed: - Okay.A couple of days later, the father says to his son: - Take the ball and sneakers, let's go play.The boy answered: - I can not, I sold the ball and sneakers.The father asked: - How much did you sell them?Boy: - For 1,000 EURFather: - It's terrible, how could you make your friends so ... it's a lot more than these two things really are worth!Now I'm taking you to church to confess !!!The father took his son to the church and into the confessional and closed the door.Boy: - It's dark here.Pop: - Do not start with this shit again.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Dear Mom and Dad,We spend great time on the first camping. Cika Toma forces us to write to parents in case you saw a flood on television. We are good. Only one tent and two sleeping bags took water. Nobody drove all the luck because we were all in the mountain looking for Perica. Oh yes, tell Perice's parents that Perica is good. He can not write for himself because of a fracture. Otherwise, I was driving in one of the rescue jeeps. It was nice. We would never have seen Perica in the dark if there was no lightning. Cika Toma yelled at Perica because he went to sit alone and did not tell anyone. Perica says he told him during a fire. Tom believed him not because he was drunk.Did you know that when gas is placed in a fire, it explodes? Even after that, the wet wood will not burn, but this is why a tent is burned. And my pants, but I have bermuda. And Dule is now quite messy without hair. We will come home on Sunday if Tom's Toma fixes the car by then. It was not his fault when we landed on the road, says that the brakes were working when we started. Cika Toma says that the car is so old that it is not a miracle that it is constantly dirty and that it's a bum when we are in the car. It is nice that Tom's gentleman let us hold the wheel from time to time so that he can rest his eyes. Since Nikola is the oldest, Tika Tom teaches him to ride, but only on hiking trails because there is little traffic there. The only things we saw on these roads are heavy trucks, the car is gone.This morning, everyone went swimming in the lake, but Tom did not want to let Tom go, because I do not know how to swim, so I went with him to the lake across the lake. It was nice. Trees are still under water for flooding.Cika Toma is really great, she never cries to us. He did not even get angry when we removed the life-belts.Since he has to fix the car, we are trying not to make trouble for him and we are hiding all day. Cika Tom never knows where we are. At first, he was disturbed and now he's getting used to it. Cika Toma says that we all passed the basic school of first aid when John was drowned and when Ivan cut the wood and cut off his finger.I and the lads were vomiting, but Tommy says that he knows why, so it's OK. I think that the chicken we took from the house and forgot to eat immediately. We only remembered when they found the animals. I have to go now, we go to the village to steal stamps for letters, because we have no money. Do not worry, I'm fine.
п.с. Cika Toma said to ask if I received a tetanus vaccine?What is a tetanus?

Divorced father

 
"When you return to your mother tonight, give her this envelope and tell her that since you
is now 18 years old, this is the last check that will ever be seen by me for
alimentation. Then move away and observe the expression on her face. "
Daughter
"Mom, my father asked me to hand over this envelope to you. He told me to say yes
Since I am now 18 years old, this is the last payment of alimony
which you will ever get.
And now I should move away and observe the expression of your face. "
Divorced mother
"Next time you visit your father, tell him that after 18 years, I finally decided
to inform him that he is not your father ... and then move away and observe
expression on his face. "

The Spanish teacher explained to her students

The Spanish teacher explained to her students that the Spanish also distinguished the genus for common nouns, and that everything exists as a female and male.
For example, the house is of the feminine genus: 'la casa,' and 'pencil,' is why the masculine gender is 'el lapiz.'
The students asked, 'Who is the genus' computer '?'
Instead of answering them, the professor divided them into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide whether the "computer" belongs to a female or male. Each group was given the task of explaining its determination for four reasons.
Men have decided that a 'computer' must definitely be a female ('la computadora') because:
1 Nobody but their creator understands their inner logic;
2. The original language used to communicate with other computers is completely incompatible with everyone else;
3. The least errors are stored far in the memory for eventual later recall;
4. At the moment when you tie up one, you find yourself in a situation where you spend half your income for their needs and accessories.
(And THAT IS BETTER!)
The women's group therefore concluded that the computer must be male ('el computador'), because
1. To get any benefit from him you have to start it;
2. They have a huge number of data but can not think independently;
3. They are designed to solve problems, but half the time they themselves pose a problem;

4. As soon as you bind one, you discover that you will get a new, more advanced model that you just wait a little longer.

The women's team won.

BUILDING MATERIAL! ! !

1. Do not get pregnant that you can change something on a man. Unless he wears diapers.
2. What do you do when a man slams the door on the outside? Lock them inside.
3. If they have already sent one man to the moon, they should be able to send them all!
4. Do not let your man's thoughts wander. They were too small to be out there alone.
5. Always choose a younger man. He never ripens.
6. Men are all the same - they have different faces just to be able to recognize them.
7. Definition of binge eating: a man who has missed a chance to hit a woman.
8. It is not true that women make men's men. Most men are bored with the motto "Do it yourself!"
9. The only way a man is asked to do something is to tell him that he is too old to do it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is an experience that opens your eyes.
11. If you really want a man who's going to be with you, look at him at the mental illness hospital.
12. Israel's sons wandered in the desert for 40 years. There, and in ancient times, men were under the honor of asking for a trip.
13. If he asks you whether you like playing cards, say "yes, but only with credit cards".
14. Remember that the sense of humor does not mean telling jokes to him, but laughing at his jokes.
15. All men are created equal. Unfortunately, this includes men as well.

Lotto is a lot pulled out the week

A woman with a morning coffee reads the newspaper and realizes that her Lotto is a lot
pulled out the week.
All the lucky ones go to the safe to quit. When there, she's safe
Excuses - because of a reduction in work, the overwhelming must go, but for
comfort, with a huge retirement.
Double happy, decide to buy a new car.
He enters the nearest car salon, and at that moment the fireworks begin.
A salesman approaches her and says: You are a millionth visitor and you are getting us
free latest Mercedes model !!!
Already in the juice, a woman in a new car goes home.
Put a time of champagne, come to the window and see - they get a husband in his car.
He was at the entrance to the street, hit by a truck and the car disappeared into the flames.
Woman raised her time, toasted and mumble: When he moves you, he moves you!

Airline companies occasionally try to make warnings

Airline companies occasionally try to make warnings, which are constantly repeated, more interesting. Here are some of these inscriptions:- There may be 50 ways to leave the woman, but there are only four exits from this plane.- Your belt is underneath the seat. In case of landing, take it ... with our best wishes!- Smoking is not allowed this year. If you can not stand, ask the stewardess to open the door and let you go to the wing.- Smoking is not allowed. People who are noticed to smoke will be kindly asked to leave the plane.- Dear passengers, this is the captain of the airplane. We reached the height for the cruise, so you can untie your belts and move freely. Please do not leave the aircraft.- If there is a pressure drop, the oxygen mask will turn out automatically. Put them immediately on the face in a way that shows the stewards. Adults need to put their masks first, and then only put masks on to children and people who act like children.- Please leave all your belongings when you leave the plane. Everything you leave will be shared by the plane's staff. The passenger who finally arrives at the door remains to clean the cabin.- We fly at 8,000 meters and our flight will last two hours and fifty minutes. I am proud that our company is doing pilots and flight attendants who have been declared the best in the field. Of course, none of these officers is on this flight.- After not exactly the perfect landing: Please stay on the seats until Captain Kengur jumps up the plane to the terminal.

Diary of the Bosnian refugee in Canada

12. August. We moved to our new house in Canada.I'm so excited, it's so nice here.The mountains are beautiful, I can not wait to see them covered with snow.14. October. Canada. This is the most beautiful land in the world.Leaves have taken all those beautiful orange and yellow colors.He drove through the nature. Seeing a couple of deer, she's so graceful, that's the nicest animals in the world.This is heaven! 1 !!I love Canada!11. November. Memorial Day, Canadian National Day.Deer hunting will begin soon.I can not imagine anyone's normal can kill such a wonderful animal.I hope that snow will soon be.2. December. Tonight the first snow fell.He got up and saw everything covered with a white blanket.Looks like a better postcard.We walked out, cleaned the stairway to the approaching road, cheered a bit.They win!When the bug was over, we had to clean it again in front of the gate.This is a wonderful country, I love and I love Kannada!12.December. It's snowing again tonight.Once again, a scribbler, grabbed the gate, is beautiful here.19. December. It's snowing again tonight.I can not get the car to go to the job.It's really wonderful here, I'm just a little tired of scabbing.And my back hurts me, and again a dwarf is gone.22. December. This white shit fell again all night !!!He got the scabs from the blade !!!And that monkey with a scotch !! 1!He who hides behind the corner !! 1!Mater fuck your !!!It's waiting for me to clean out in front of the gate !!!Шупак !!!!25. December. Happy fucking shitty Christmas.Still fallen snow!If it ever falls on me, the fagot who drives the scumbag, I'll cut his head !!!I'm afraid that they will not get more salt on the road, that this shit will dissolve before !!!27. December. OOpet snow.I'm not leaving home for three days.Apart from cleaning this shit!When the bumper passes !!!Well, I could not get out anywhere, when I got stuck in the hill of the snow, that that asshole pushed me to the gate.And they say that the new 10th price of snow will fall tonight.28. December. The prognosis was bad!It fell by the meter!If she continues this way, she will not dissolve it until the summer, my mother.A bug is stuck !!!!! Joooj !!!!Aaron's asshole came to me to look for a shovel.I tell him a Hawaiian one.I shattered six shovels, clearing that shit, that you nagurovo in front of the gate.When I did not blow his head out !!4. January. Finally he left the house.I went to the store to buy some food.When I came back with a crack car in a deer.Joooj !!!Those fucking giants should have been killed all the way to one.What hunters do not kill all the way to one, I do not understand!3. May I took a car with a mechanic to fix what I cracked into a deer.Unbelievable how much a new car was getting rusted, from the fucking salt that was so sprinkled along the road.May 10 Selim in Florida.Well, I can not imagine anyone's normal can live in this fucking Canada !!!

Dear parents!

It's been three months since I attended college and I have not written to you yet.I'm ashamed of it, but I promise you, I'll make it all right now!But before I continue writing this letter, pleaseyou, sit down! Do not read this letter from the standpoint!Almost almost completely burned out my burns and I already have itI almost completely recovered from the juice I had to jump withfourth floor. I spent only 2 weeks in hospital, sightI almost returned almost completely and I only vomit onceper week.Since the fire has provoked itself, we will need a universityto pay 350,000 pounds, but that's nothing, because it isMainly I stay alive. I was lucky, because it's a man,who lives across the street, noticed what happened and calledfirefighters and ambulance. And he visited me at the hospital, asince I had no place to leave (my room is completelyburned down), he was so kind and offered me to pass codehim.It has a one bedroom apartment, but it's great for us. Anyway, he istwice older than me, but we crazy fell in love with one another and we plan to get married. We have not yet agreed exactly when, but we would like to hold the wedding before it is on meyou will notice the traces of pregnancy. Verily, my dear, I will be a mother!I know, you can barely wait for a moment, when you will become a babe andGrandpa, and I'm completely convinced that you're going to be babies (because we waittriples) to receive with as much love as you are with meI was surrounded when I was young. The only thing that's right nowMy wedding is gone, my fiance is picking up somewheresome disgusting infection. That's why we're both back inThe hospital, because I got it, but now it's much betterthanks to antibiotics, which we get intravenously.Doctors call this disease syphilis, or something like that.
tell us that you will receive my wife with a wide-spread hand, andwill soon become part of our family. It's very expensivea man, and despite the fact that he has not completed a basic school very muchis ambitious.Of course, he is another religion, but I know that you are verytolerant, so you will not be bothered by the darknesspaths. I'm sure you will love him at least as much as he doesI love!!! Since it's about your age, you'll agreeVery well, especially when we move to you (because it is usthe apartment is too small for so many people).It seems to me that his parents are cheering people, his father isfamous surgeon of narcotics from Africa, from where he is originally and my future ..So, now, when I have described everything extensively to you, I think thatIt's time for you to admit that my apartment was not burned, soI'm nothing, I was not in the hospital, I do not have any fiancéno syphilis, nor no black man.The truth is, that I fell from mathematical analysis and macroeconomics, and from informatics I crawled, so I wanted to show you that in this world there are worse things than these!Kisses,Your daughter!